she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Even my vagina gasped.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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