Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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