and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
