id be glad to
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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