it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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