im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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