Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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