So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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