3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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