The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
