You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
God, I missed his penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
