Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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