eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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