we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
