It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
