he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
