you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
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I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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