Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
