update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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