Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
