like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
