And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
