Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
