so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
