She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
