Where is the hickey?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Pooping to opera.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
