he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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