i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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