I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
