Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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