You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
