he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
