dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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