Just cropdusted the office
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
