I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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