my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
