We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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