Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
