Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
