I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
