So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
