im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
