tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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