I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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