Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize