why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
