he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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