thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
