Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Randomize