If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
