Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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