i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
