did you get engaged???
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
