Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize