OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
