he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
