I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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