Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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