I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
