You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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