I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
