if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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