then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
