Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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