I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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