I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
