Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
