i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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