Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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