hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
