the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Panties = found
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