Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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