Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So vagazzling was a success
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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