So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
