someone get that fucking seahorse.
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
